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Q& A: Parenting & smartphones with expert Julie Freedman-Smith

Updated: Jan 9


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NOBLE CEO, Tara Stewart met with renowned parenting expert, author & speaker, Julie Freedman-Smith to gain insights into the challenges of parenting in the digital age and how to foster a more balanced relationship with technology in your household.


Author, Blogger, Podcast Host, and Parenting Expert, Julie Freedman Smith has been supporting parents for over 20 years. Her clients include individual families, schools and organizations supporting caring parents who want to best-help their kids. Julie believes that every family needs to find what works for them and combines research-based information, humorous anecdotes and parenting hacks resulting in audiences and clients ready to face their parenting challenges head on!

 

Tara: With over 20 years of experience counselling families, have you observed significant shifts in parenting practices and challenges since the advancement of smartphones?

 

Julie: The advent of the smartphone definitely changed the parenting dynamic, ultimately increasing the silo effect of parenting. Instead of talking to each other over the back fence, parents began to communicate more via text. The decreased face-to-face interactions left many parents feeling alone in the challenges of parenting. All the curated images on social media provided unrealistic portrayals of perfect family life that just isn’t a reality.

 

 Tara: From this experience, what are some of the most common smartphone related struggles facing parents and their children in today’s digital age?

 

Julie: I consistently hear from parents about the battles of managing/limiting screen time for their kids. It is the number one battle of the parents I know. I’ve also been speaking with a neuropsychologist who is concerned about the impact of screens on brain development, specifically with regard to the use of technology to numb the feelings when big emotions come along. Kids are not learning how to recognize, express and deal with emotions and really need this learning. We also know that kids tend to misbehave more frequently to get their parents’ attention away from their own screens. Lastly, we know that speech development has been impacted because parents are not looking at their infants as much due to their focus on screens.

 

 Tara: Given the decline in landline access and the increasing necessity of smartphones, what, in your expert opinion, is an appropriate age to provide a child with their first smartphone? Additionally, could you elaborate on your specific concerns regarding the timing of smartphone introduction for children?

 

Julie: I am not comfortable stating this age. I think it is important for families to make these decisions on a per-child basis. I would recommend holding off for as long as one feels they can. If your child is struggling with keeping track of their agenda, mittens and backpack, adding an expensive phone into the mix feels like a bad decision. Often, when technology is introduced, it becomes the main focus of rewards and punishments. This doesn’t help children learn to manage their technology use. Instead, it makes the device feel even more important than it is.

 

Prior to introducing any kind of technology, it’s very important for parents to get clear on the boundaries involved in terms of duration/location/parental oversight, etc. The clearer we can be as parents, the easier it will be for our kids to stick to our guidelines. Start slowly and when your child shows you that they can manage what is expected, you can expand the use if that feels right.

 It's also okay to “Start over,” if things are feeling out of control.

 

Tara: What signs should parents be vigilant for when assessing if their children’s smartphone use is having a negative impact on their well-being and behaviour?

 

Julie: I believe that there’s a difference between a diagnosable problem and an “actual problem.” Ideally, parents step in before there is a diagnosable problem. We know our kids. We know what they are missing out on by being on screens; sleep, exercise, human interaction, boredom, time in nature, reading, creating. Parents are missing out on some of these same things. 

 

So, rather than feeling a certain way and just hoping that things are okay, I suggest that parents get clear on what’s important for the children in their family and make sure that those things are happening regularly by setting clear screen-free times/places and then sticking to them. Start small. Start with one change – no screens in bedrooms at night, or no screens at meals, one hour on screens at a time, or a family screen-free walk once a day or once a week. Whatever it is, start with something you can stick to and do it. Involve your kids in the planning and prepare for defiance and disappointment, that’s their job.

 

Tara: What advice and management tips do you have for parents who are concerned about their children’s online behaviour?

 

Julie: I always encourage parents to create clear expectations for screen use, including designated screen-free times and places in the home. Do not tie screen use to other behaviours – don’t make it a reward or a punishment, something to be earned or taken away. Rather, treat it as something that just is.

 

If you are concerned about your child’s online behaviour, treat it similarly to offline behaviour. Notice, watch, stop the behaviour and make a plan to teach a new way of working online. It’s okay to change previous expectations if they were unclear, or if something has come to light that makes us want to use a different approach.

 

 Tara: How can NOBLE technology’s line of reduced function smartphones assist parents in promoting healthy tech habits for their family?

 

Julie: NOBLE technology (specifically BE.connect) feels like an easier first step into the smartphone world. Parents can work on teaching responsibility, setting up clearly defined habits for phone use. Children have access to the communication functions of a phone without the more ‘Adult’ distractions.

 

Interested in learning more about Julie & her services? Here's how you can find her:

 

Parent-Break: Free, weekly, online community sharing parenting tips

 

Visit Julie:

 

Contact me:

Instagram: @julie.f.s

LinkedIn: Julie Freedman Smith

Phone/Text 403.815.6509

 

 Podcast:

 "The Real Life Parenting Podcast "cohosted by Julie Freedman Smith and Gail Bell

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